FpsNorthwest

Funny thing today. First off, walmart was in order yesterday in order to purchase over a 100$ in bike tubes to do something free...  There are science experiment thorns here that I swear jump on your tire and hang there until removed and then you get to hear the lovely wooshing sound of air pleasantly escaping your freshly replaced tube from the day before. Poor Chris spent about 3 hours last night replacing all 8 tires for all of our bikes which now I would have to say he's quite the expert. 
Anyways. 
Set out today with our freshly pumped tires on our adventure to decker lake to have a pick-nick and some geocaching knowing that Jesse's front tire had a small problem but figured we would roll with it anyway. (pun intended!). As we are on our way back Jesse looks down at her tire and sees the tube starting to bulge out on the side. We all stop to admire the sheer amazement of this and all of the sudden boom!!!!  Jesses tire explodes!!!!  Needless to say we all jumped and then started laughing. At least she wasn't riding.....  
So, in honor of a busted tire we all walked the last mile back to the house. Guess I'm headin back to walmart to buy a new tire and yet another tube!!!  At least it wasn't a thorn this time. 

I am sorry I did not reply here to your message sooner.
I must say that what you wrote is the most amazing gift I could have ever gotten. Now, you do realize that next year you are going to have to bump it up a notch right?????
I love you so much and appreciate every single minute of your hard work that you put forth in order for us to have the best. That my darling, makes you my best friend and husband.

Happy (late response) anniversary to you.

I love you

Happy 11th anniversary babe!

I just wanted to say how happy I am being married to such a wonderful woman, wife and mother. We have built together such a great family and it would not be possible without your guidance, wisdom, advice and ability to stick things out. Together we have had some tough times and pulled through them and we have had some great times to be cherished and remembered. I look forward to all the years ahead spending our lives together and all the good and bad times that lie ahead and I am happy to be by your side though it all.
I know sometimes I try to fix things, well most of the time and that can lead to problems, but with your strong willed, determined, caring mind having two different minds we are able to bounce ideas off each other to get through our issues and I think that helps us click.
So click away we will and I look forward to all the cogs in the wheels that lie ahead and Looking back these 11 years with how far we have come together I couldn’t be happier.
I love you so much

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians'' spending YOUR tax money after the following analogies.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of it's releases.

A.
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were
Living in the Stone Age.

D.
A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E.
A billion dollars ago was only
8 hours and 20 minutes,
At the rate our government
Is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain...
let's take a look at New Orleans .....
It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator,
Mary Landrieu (D)
Is presently asking Congress for
250 BILLION DOLLARS
To rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number...
What does it mean?

A.
Well... If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans
(every man, woman, and child)
You each get $516,528.

B.
Or... If you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

C.
Or... If you are a family of four...
Your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D. C

HELLO!
Are all your calculators broken??

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt..
We had the largest middle class in the world...
And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?
Can you spell 'politicians!'

I hope this goes around the
USA
At least 100 billion times

What the heck happened?????

________________________________________

Her New Year's goal..

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-1095-Project/242169423448

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31jenMJ0UOc

I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around

Oh, no

[Chorus:]
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

[Chorus]

I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I'm still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do

[Chorus x2]

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured
that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he
knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the
block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the
camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he
drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera
again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this
a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled
past, this time at a snail's pace...

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a
seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them